50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen
by Hauptmann Holmes
Summary: The STORY version of 50 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen. From Alice's POV. Hope you like it. Rated T for... strange things. COMPLETE!
1. Pranks 1, 2, & 3

**Author's Note: **All chapters up to about 24ish are being edited as we speak. And I now pen under the name, "Lennon Drop." Just thought I'd tell you.

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer

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_**Pranks 1, 2, & 3: **__Steal his doctor's bag__b__urn it__b__lame it on Edward._

"Esme, dear, have you seen my bag?" Carlisle called from the door of the bed room that he shared with Esme.

"No, dear, I haven't seen your bag. Ask one of the kids," Esme called back from the kitchen, where she was attempting to make cookies.

Carlisle walked calmly down the stairs to where Rose and Emmett were making out on the couch. "Emmett, Rosalie, have you seen my bag?"

Rose came up for air. "Nope, sorry!" And went back to making out with her husband. It was, if I may say so, disgusting.

Edward, Bella, Jasper, and I were sitting on the other couch trying very hard to ignore Emmett and Rose.

"Edward, Bella, have either of you seen my doctor's bag?"

Bella and Edward simultaneously looked up from watching TV and said, "No."

Carlisle turned his questions to Jasper and I. "Have either of you seen it?"

Jasper shook his head but I said, "I think I saw Edward with it. He went outside with the bag and when he came back in he smelled like smoke. I think he burned it."

Carlisle turned to Edward. "Is that true, Edward?"

Edward glared at me and I giggled mentally at him. "No, it is not true. The truth is that I saw _Alice_ come back in very late at night smelling like smoke. I think she did it."

Carlisle sighed, by now he was used to the petty squabbles that we broke out in occasionally. "Alice, say you're sorry and," he said glancing at his watch. "I have to be to work."

It was my turn to sigh; only I looked really innocent when I did. "I'm sorry I burnt your bag, Carlisle. I also suppose that I'm sorry for framing you, Edward."

Esme walked into the room and smiled. "It's good to know that my children are getting along. Cookie?"

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**Author's Note: **The first Edit. It makes me feel wonderful.

_Lennon Drop_


	2. Prank 4 & 5

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer

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_**Prank **__**4**__** & **__**5**____Constantly comment on his accent and try to imitate his accent._

Carlisle was saying something to Jasper when I suddenly said, "Carlisle, why do you have a funny accent?"

He gave me an odd look. "Alice, I think that you should know by now. I have an accent because I'm from a foreign country."

I made an "O" out of my mouth. A few seconds of Carlisle talking to Jasper went on then. "Where are you from anyways?"

Carlisle sighed. "London, England, Alice. London, England."

I made another "O". Then: "Are you sure?"

"Alice," said Jasper. "I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation. Could you please stop, or leave or something?"

I grumbled, but got up and walked away.

_A few hours later..._

"'Ello, guvnor!"

"Alice, what are you doing?" Asked Carlisle.

"I'm trying to be like you, mate. 'Cus you're a right nice bloke."

Carlisle sighed. "I'm not even going to try."

I walked out of the room and thought, '_Yes! Mission accomplished!'_

Edwards walked into the room and asked, "What mission?"

_'You'll see,' _I answered him in my thoughts and laughed evilly.


	3. Prank 6

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer

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_**Prank **__**6**__Ask him to change your cat into a vampire_

"Carlisle?"

He sighed. "Yes, Alice?"

"So, I got this cat."

"And?"

"Well, since this family is indestructible and really strong, I figured that you could turn my cat into a vampire."

Carlisle had been writing something in a notebook, but when I said that his head snapped up and he said, "WHAT?!?"

"I want you to turn my cat into a vampire."

"Why, in heaven's name, would you want a vampire cat?"

"I told you, this family is immortal and really strong! So, my cat could die!"

"Alice," he said, sighing. "I will, and this is my final answer, not turn your cat into a vampire."

"BUT CARLISLE!"

"NO, Alice."

I growled and stalked off.

_A few minutes later..._

"Esme, oh, Esme!"

I could almost hear Esme cringe. "Yes, Alice, what do you need?"

"I, dear Esme, need your help."

Esme gulped. "With what?"

"Well, Esme, I need you to change my cat into a vampire."

She raised an eyebrow. "What did Carlisle say?"

I pouted. "He said no."

"Then what do you think my answer is?"

"Um... Yes?"

"No, Alice, I will _not_ change your cat into a vampire."

_'Oh, crap, it didn't work! And I was hoping to have a vampire cat,' _I thought.

Then Edward walked into the room. "Alice, I couldn't help but hear your thoughts. You sounded really sad, and since you've been nice to me this entire week," he sighed. I was trying not to think about what I knew he was going to say. "I'll change your cat for you."

I did the innocent puppy eyes. "Really?"

"Really I will. But please keep it away from Bella, alright?"

I smiled and nodded my head.

_Three days later..._

"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!"

"Alice, what are you doing?" asked Carlisle.

"Oh, I'm just calling my kitty!"

Then my little white kitty appeared. Carlisle gave her a scrutinizing look and started to leave the room when the cat pounced on him and knocked him over.

"ALICE! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT THE CAT WASN'T GOING TO BE A VAMPIRE!"

"Oh, I didn't change him, Carlisle, Edward did."

Carlisle dislodged the cat from his hair and walked out of the room yelling. "EDWARD!"

_'Mission accomplished,' _I thought humming the James Bond theme to myself.


	4. Prank 7

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **I luv Carlisle Cullen, aka Sam, guest stars in this chapter as a crazed fan girl.

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_**Prank 7: **__Tell him he has fan girls._

"Hey, Carlisle," Carlisle shuddered; he'd just finished 'taking care of' my cat. I felt bad for the poor thing. I mean, it did claw his head, but did he have to send it to the Volturi?

"Yes, Alice?"

"Do you know what fan girls are?"

Carlisle shuddered. "Yes, they're my only f..."

I raised an eyebrow "They're your only what? Fear? Oh, Carlisle, this is _rich_!"

He gave me a pleading look. "Please, Alice, I'm begging you! NOT FAN GIRLS!"

I smiled sweetly. "I was just going to tell you that you have some, and I saw a few coming to Forks. So I was _going _to warn you to be careful."

Carlisle smiled back at me. "Thanks, Alice; I forgive you for the cat _incident_."

"Thanks, Carlisle, I suggest that you take a few days off work. I saw them stalking you in the hospital and faking injuries to get you to 'examine' them. Just call in sick or something."

Carlisle smiled again. "Thanks for the idea, Alice."

He walked off into another room and I heard him calling the hospital. "Yes, this is Dr. Cullen; I'm afraid I have a terrible head cold and can't come in today. Could you cancel my patients? Thanks, bye."

_A few days later..._

"Alice, what in heaven's name are you doing?" Jasper asked. He had been watching me lead seven giggling girls into our house.

"Oh… Uh… Hi, Jasper. I was just giving these girls a tour."

One of the girls said, "LIKE! OHMYGAWD! IT'S JASPER!"

I grabbed her and snarled. "Hands off; he's MINE."

She shivered. "Sorry, I just got excited."

Another one of the girls, I think her name was Sam or something like that, said, "This is boring, when do we get to see Carlisle?"

Jasper's eyes grew wider but he said nothing. I smiled at him and gave him a look that said, "Please humor me," he sighed, shook his head and walked off.

I led the crazy fan girls into the house and motioned for them to be quiet. The James Bond theme again penetrated my thoughts, then something quite interesting happened, Edward walked into the room. This was going to be good.

"Alice," He began. "Why are you thinking about the James...? Who the hell are these people? And why are they looking at me like a dog looks at a hunk of steak?"

"Hunk is right," said one of the girls.

I decided to cut my losses; I pointed at Edward and said, "Sic 'em." There was an immediate stampede of fan girls. Edward never even had a chance; he was immediately tackled by six crazed teenagers.

The seventh, that Sam girl, was staring at Carlisle who was standing in the doorway. She said, "Hey, there." Carlisle was frozen with fear.

When Sam said "hey there" it alerted all the others who immediately let Edward up and all ran at Carlisle at once.

I giggled. Another mission accomplished.


	5. Prank 8

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **There's a lot of Carlisle in a towel in this chapter, so to all the fan girls: please exercise proper breathing. Please, I don't want to get sued because someone read this and hyperventilated to death. Thanks, Lennon Drop.

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_**Prank 8: **__Insist that he dress up as Santa on Christmas_

_A few months after that last "mission"..._

"OH, CARLISLE!" I called; Carlisle had been avoiding me for the last two months. When I had asked him about it he told me that he was still recovering from the "raging sea of hormones". I admit that that last prank was rather malicious. But it was _so_ fun!

I walked into the kitchen where Esme was, yet again, trying to cook cookies for Bella. "Hey, Esme?"

She turned. "Yes, Alice?"

"Where's Carlisle?"

She did the little shifty eyes thing that people do when they're about to betray some one's confidence. "Well, he did say that he was going to have a bath. Alice, please, no more fan girls. He spent a week trying to get all those lip-prints off his face. So please, dear, don't do anything _drastic_."

I gave Esme my most innocent look. "Have I ever done anything drastic?"

Esme raised an eyebrow and I blinked a few times. "Well... I guess there was that one time... But I haven't done anything recent," I then quickly ran out of the room before she could give me an example that I hadn't thought of.

_A flight of stairs and one "locked" door later..._

Carlisle had apparently just gotten out of his bath because he was in a towel and dripping all over the nice shag carpet the he and Esme had in their room.

He turned and saw me. "AH! ALICE WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!" He was obviously embarrassed at being caught in a towel and I'm pretty sure that if he could've blushed he would have been.

I smiled sweetly (it seems that I'm doing a lot of this). "Well, Carlisle, I just wanted to know if you wanted to dress up as Santa for Christmas. Because I mean, don't you want to give joy to all the little children?"

He gave me a blank look and blinked a few times. "Is that all? You just want me to dress up for little kids?"

I nodded and he sighed with relief. He was so relaxed he almost dropped his towel. There was a kinda' awkward little "oops" moment and I left.

_The next day at the mall..._

I, dressed as an Elf, was walking towards where Carlisle was sitting dressed as Santa. A little girl was on his lap and she was going on and on about how she wanted a pony, a puppy, and about fifty million other things. Then I noticed that there were several housewives in the line. I speculated on why they were there. You know, if they were with their kids or what-not. Then I realized that they were there to see "Santa." Oh this _was_ rich!

Edward walked up to me with Bella. "Hey, Alice, why are you dressed as an Elf?" He asked.

"No time to explain! Tell me what all those housewives are thinking, the ones that are standing in line with no kids! QUICK!"

Edward looked at the women in question, and then he made a face. If he'd been able to turn pink he would've.

"Um, Alice... You might want to get him out of there."

"Why?"

"Well because..." He then whispered in my ear what the next woman was about to do.

My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates; that was going _way_ too far.

Then I heard a bloodcurdling scream. Apparently the woman got to Carlisle before I did.

I watched as he ran like a bat out of hell towards the doors of the mall. _'Poor Carlisle,'_ I thought.

I smiled, it wasn't what I had planned, but it was sure hilarious.


	6. Prank 9

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **There is some rather _odd_ content in this chapter and none of it is meant to be "suggestive." Not one bit of it. Keep that in mind as you read. Thanks, Lennon Drop.

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_**Prank 9: **__Tell him that you've seen him and Aro Volturi eating hotdogs by a fire at midnight._

"Hey, Carlisle?"

Carlisle shuddered. The fan girls had frightened him, but that house-wife did him in. He'd been on edge for weeks! "Yes, Alice?"

I did the shifty-eyes thing and said, "I know."

He gave me a puzzled look. "You know what?"

"I know about Aro."

He raised an eyebrow. "You know what about Aro? There are a lot of things to know. Such as: he likes to drink human blood."

"I know about Aro and the hotdogs."

"The hot dogs," I had really lost him now.

"Don't act all coy, I've seen you and Aro Volturi eating hotdogs by a fire," I snapped my head down for a dramatic effect. "At midnight!"

Carlisle just looked at me like I was nuts.

After a few moments he regained his power of speech. "Alice, I think you need to go on a vacation."

I glared at him. "I do not need to go on a vacation! I've seen it! AND I'LL TELL EVERYONE!"

His eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "Alice, it's not true. There's no reason to spread it around!"

I narrowed my eyes. "Why are you so keen on keeping this private?"

He sighed. "Because we did eat hot dogs once and that's all. Okay? No need to blow this out of proportion."

I then decided, thinking that Carlisle had had enough grief in the past few months to respect his wishes.

_A few days later Carlisle receives a phone call from an unexpected person..._

Carlisle answered the phone. "Hello, Cullen residence."

"Ah, Carlisle, it's Aro."

"Oh, hello Aro; what's the problem?"

"Well, you know that one time we tried to eat hot dogs?"

Carlisle's heart sank. "Yes."

"Well, apparently that story was leaked to the press; and they blew it all out of proportion. It was, if I may say, rather embarrassing. Did you tell anyone?"

Carlisle swallowed. "No, Aro, I didn't. It could've been one of your friends. Listen, I have to go, I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Oh, OK then; bye, Carlisle.'

I heard the phone hang up and Carlisle yelled, "ALICE!"

Edward decided that that was the moment to walk into my and Jasper's room. "What did you do to him?"

I smiled like a little angel. "Oh, nothing."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Well, you must've done something, because he's just thinking now that he knows why you were in an asylum."


	7. Prank 10

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **The title of this chapter has almost nothing to do with its content. Thanks, Lennon Drop.

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_**Prank 10: **__Ask him to teach Sex Ed at Forks High_

I positively skipped through the house; this was going to be the best prank yet! "OHHH, CARLISLEEE!"

I heard something go crash and ran at top speed to the scene. A poor antique vase was laying in shatters on the floor.

Carlisle was frantically trying to hide in a closet. "Um, Carlisle, what are you doing?" I asked.

He turned quickly. "Oh! Hi, Alice; I'm just trying to find my coat have you seen it?"

I looked behind him. "You mean the tan one? It's right behind you."

He turned and looked into the closet. "Oh, yes! Thanks, Alice. What did you want?"

I smiled. "Well, the high school needs a new teacher. They asked me to ask you if you'd volunteer for it. It'd only be for a few days."

"Su- wait. What would I be teaching?"

"Erm… sex ed." I mumbled, but it was enough. He flipped out and started screaming like a little girl.

"NO. I WILL NOT TEACH AT FORKS HIGH SCHOOL; AND ESPECIALLY NOT THAT!"

I pouted (enter the guilt trip). "But, Carlisle, the school board is counting on you! This is their time of need; could you really turn them down?"

_A few days later..._

We were all gathered in the auditorium for that special lecture in that special time of year. Yes, girls and boys, it's time for Sex Ed. The most awkward time of year, a time of year Rose gets stared at more than usual.

The principle walked up onto the stage. "This year we have a very special speaker, our own Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

Carlisle walked out onto the stage and half the female population sighed deeply. I giggled manically, mission accomplished!


	8. Prank 11

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

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_**Prank 11: **__Key his car_

I carefully dragged the key over the glossy black paint of Carlisle's car. This was going to be the best one yet, Carlisle loved his Mercedes Benz. I heard a soft rustling coming from the back of the garage and bolted to a place that I could watch the fireworks. But it was only Rose.

She carefully surveyed the damage that I had done on Carlisle's car and giggled manically. "Alice, where ever you are, this is your best one yet!"

I didn't respond, after all it could be a trap! Rose left the garage and I changed my hiding place.

Next to walk in was my beloved husband, Jasper. He took one look at the car, sighed, hid his face in his hands, and walked back out. I again changed my hiding place.

Carlisle walked into the garage, took one look at his car, and sunk into a little quivering puddle on the floor. Wow. It was pathetic.

I suddenly felt a twinge of something... I think it was guilt. I was sorely tempted to burst out and give Carlisle a hug. He looked like the little kid that got the shrunken head for Christmas in The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I tried horribly hard to resist the urge to hug... MUST RESIST! But, it was too much for me. "Oh! Poor little Carlisle! Are you OK?"

He looked at me with the saddest face I'd ever seen. "You fell for it. You actually fell for it!" This dissolved into screams of insanity. I decided to run.

Carlisle ran after me. "I WILL GET YOU MARY ALICE BRANDON CULLEN!"


	9. Pranks 12 & 13

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

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_**Prank 12 & 13: **__Find as many werewolves as you can and invite them over for a party. If he wants to kill then at the end of the party tell him that that would break the treaty, and no one wants that do they?_

It was so unfair! A few little pranks and Carlisle had grounded me from shopping for an entire year! But I'd survive, because revenge is a sweet meal.

I flipped through the phone book, found the name Black, and dialed. An older man answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi! This is Alice, can I speak to Jacob?"

The voice sounded hesitant. "Sure," then I heard the voice calling, "Jacob, Alice wants to speak with you."

I heard steps coming down the stairs and then: "What do you want, blood sucker?"

"I want to be treated with respect, dog. But that doesn't really matter right now. Right now I'm plotting my revenge on Carlisle, and I need your help."

Jacob laughed. "Why do you need _my_ help?"

"Because I'm going to have a party and invite every werewolf that I can think of, that's why! I need you to gather your pack and bring them."

"What makes you think that we'll come to your little revenge party?"

"Because I'll order pizza; lots of pizza, and in your choice of toppings. I'll also get you a date with Bella."

He sighed. "I'll see what I can do. If you're getting pizza get it in: pepperoni, cheese, Hawaiian, meat lovers, veggie lovers, green pepper and onion, and that new dessert pizza they have. Mind you, they all have to be larges."

I giggle maniacally. "No problem, I'll see you and the pack at 12:30ish?"

"Sure, sure."

I hung up and contemplated why there was even a Hawaiian pizza. Not finding an answer to this question I walked across the hall to Rose and Emmett's room. I knocked politely on the door and heard a muffled, "Come in!" I walked into the room and found Emmett on the floor underneath a heap of pillows.

"Um... Do I really want to know?"

The muffled answer: "Not really," Came floating to my ears.

"I'm looking for Rose, is she around."

"Last I saw her she was sitting on the pillows waiting for me to beg for mercy."

"Oh. Well, I'll look myself. Good luck getting out from under those pillows. I think she super glued them to you and to the floor."

I heard a groan. "Thanks much."

After walked out of the room I skipped around the house until Jasper told me that she'd gone outside to "tan."

I skipped outside and called, "Rosalie!"

"I'm over here," came the reply. Rose was sitting in the sun sparkling like the huge diamond that was on her finger. "What brings you here, Alice?"

"I need your help, I have then entire La Push pack coming over for pizza and such and I need you to help me decorate the house."

She looked up at me and crooked an eyebrow. "This wouldn't be revenge, would it?"

I grinned evilly. "Yes, it would be revenge."

She giggled. "Then count me in!"

_12:30ish..._

Jacob pulled into the driveway followed by at least three other cars. I skipped out to them and showed the wolves in like a wonderful hostess should.

Rose and I had successfully decorated the house, and sent all of our siblings hunting. We'd put huge dark blinds over all the windows and disco balls hung in every convenient spot. Multi-colored lights circled around and bounced off the disco balls creating a very interesting effect, if I do say so myself.

I smiled and pointed to a table that was filled to the bursting with food. The wolves started salivating and I said, "Party on!"

This was going to get good!

_4 hours later..._

The pack left just as Carlisle pulled in, they all waved friendlily at him, and gave each other secretive winks behind his back.

I was watching all this from an upper window. Carlisle looked slightly confused, but not altogether displeased. He was probably thinking how nice it was to finally be making friends with the wolves.

He walked into the house and exploded. "WHAT THE...?"

I skipped down the stairs. "Welcome home. Oh, and I never knew that doctors knew those kinds of words."

His jaw was hanging open. The wolves had not only eaten the pizza, they'd had a food fight with it. And let me tell you, yes you the person reading this, it was one of the most fun things I've ever done in my entire life!

The disco balls and lights had been taken down but the pizza was still there, stuck to the walls ceiling and floor.

"WHO DID THIS," Thundered Carlisle.

I smiled sweetly. "The wolves came over for a pizza party, didn't you see?"

"THAT'S IT," He growled. "THEY ARE SO DEAD!"

"WAIT! Killing them would be breaking the treaty! No one wants that, do they?"

He had to agree. Carlisle sunk into a little puddle on the floor and sobbed about how he'd never get all this cleaned up before Esme got home. I was not falling for that one twice!

"Come on, you have super-human speed! You can do it!"

He got up. "You're right! I CAN DO IT!" He then proceeded to clean like mad.

Emmett came down stairs with bits of pillow stuck to him. "What did I miss?"


	10. Prank 14

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

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_**Prank 14: **__Poke him until he screams at least ten times_

_A month after the last prank..._

I couldn't believe it! Carlisle had grounded me from shopping for _another _year! IT WAS SO UNFAIR!

Carlisle walked past me and smiled smugly, like he thought that I was done with all the pranks. Well guess what? I wasn't!

I snuck up behind him and poked him at the speed of sound for three minutes straight. He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"ALICE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" He screeched.

"Just tapping you on the shoulder; I'd like to know when my sentence ends."

"In the year 2009."

"Thanks."

_One hour later..._

_Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke..._

"ALICE!"

"What?"

"What do you want?"

"What color is your hair."

Carlisle gave me a blank stare. "Um, blond?"

"It shows in your personality," he started to yell again, I ran.

_One hour later... __Again..._

_Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke..._

"What is it this time, Alice?"

"Erm, your face is purple."

"That's nice, I'm trying to write a paper, please go away."

_Another hour later..._

_Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke..._

"Alice, I don't care what you want. Leave now."

"Bu—"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!"

_Four such incidents later..._

_Pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke..._

Carlisle slammed his head on his desk. "What, Alice?"

"How's your paper coming?"

"Swimmingly, please leave."

"Can I watch you?"

"NO! Just leave!"

_"__Puhlese_!"

"NO! LEAVE NOW OR I'LL ADD ANOTHER YEAR TO YOUR SENTENCE!"

"Touchy, touchy."

I walked out of the room and giggled as Edward walked by. "What's up," he asked.

"Oh nothing, I'm just waging a war! Wanna help?"

Edward immediately got a panicked look on his face. "No thanks," he said running away.

I giggled again_, 'Mission accomplished. __Again_.'


	11. Prank 15

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

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_**Prank 15: **__Jump out and say, 'BOO!!' every five seconds._

"BOO!" I jumped out from behind the couch and yelled at Carlisle.

He jumped at least ten feet into the air. "Oh! Alice, it's only you," he said, I could tell that he was trying to make out that he wasn't scared. "What torture must I endure now?"

I smiled evilly. "If I told you I'd have to kill you."

He smiled back, as if talking to a mental patient. "That's nice, Alice."

_Five seconds later..._

**'BOO!'**

Carlisle jumped again, then realizing who it was: "That's nice, Alice"

_Another five hours of such encounters..._

**"BOO!"**

"ALICE, IF YOU DO THAT ONE MORE TIME I'LL SEND YOU BACK TO THE MENTAL INSTATUTION!"

"Jeezum, Carlisle, what's up with you?"

"I've been 'booed' every five seconds for the last five hours! AND I'D LIKE FOR IT TO STOP!"

I ducked the chair Carlisle threw at me. "It was just a bit of fun!"

"Fun? FUN! I'll show you fun!"

Carlisle ran at me with Esme's table hoisted above his head. This just proves that it's all fun and games until someone looses their sanity.


	12. Prank 16

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

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_**Prank 16: **__Tell him that the Voldemort is coming over for a therapy session._

_A few days after Carlisle __was__ released from the psychiatric ward..._

"Hey, Carly?"

"Don't call me 'Carly'. And what?"

I smiled as innocently as I could. "You got a phone call."

Carlisle, sensing that something was wrong, called Edward downstairs. "Edward, what is Alice thinking?"

Edward looked at me. "I don't know, it's in Japanese."

Carlisle frowned. "Don't you speak Japanese?"

"No, sorry!" With that Edward walked back up the stairs. Bella was here, that must have been why he was so eager to get back upstairs.

Carlisle sighed. "Who called, Alice?"

I scrunched up my face like I was thinking. "Some guy. Uh... His name began with a 'V' and he said that he's coming over for a therapy session? I dunno it was something like that."

Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "Is that all you can remember?"

I tried to look like I was thinking again. "It was something like Voldie... Uhh... Voldemort! That's it, Voldemort is coming over today for a therapy session!"

Carlisle's eyes bugged out of his head. "TODAY? He wasn't supposed to come over until next week!"

I, although very surprised, managed to keep a straight face. "Well, he had to move his appointment up. He said something about having to take over the world next Tuesday."

But my words fell on deaf ears; Carlisle was running to Esme and telling her that Voldemort was coming over a week early and that they had to clean.

I laughed; it was fun creating pure chaos.

_An unexpected Epilogue to this chapter..._

_Ding-Dong!_

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," I called out to anyone who could hear.

I skipped to the door and opened it. A tall, thin, pale man, dressed all in black was standing on our doorstep.

My jaw almost dropped, but I contained myself. "Hellllllo," I said, drawing out my Ls.

"Hello," the stranger hissed. "I am Lord Voldemort. I've come here to see Dr. Cullen."

"Ah," I said. "I'll show you to his study."

I let Lord Voldie in and walked him up the stairs to Carlisle's study. "Carlisle," I called. "Lord Voldemort is here!"

I heard a loud crash and the study door opened. "Oh! Hello there, Lord Voldemort. Please come in!"

Carlisle showed Voldie in and I stayed and listened at the door. "Carlisle, I'm terribly sorry about moving my appointment up, but I have to take over the world next Tuesday. And you know how busy my schedule gets."

I had to walk away from the door because I was laughing so hard.

Edward poked his head out of his room. "Who was at the door?"

I smiled. "Oh no one; just Lord Voldemort."


	13. Prank 17

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Prank 17: **__Give him the Laughing Christmas Carols CD for Christmas._

We were all grouped around the Christmas tree opening our presents. Emmett had just opened a hideous yellow sweater that Esme knitted for him when Carlisle discovered his present from me.

"Alice, what in heaven's name is this?"

"That's your Christmas present Carlisle!"

"I can see that, but what is it?"

"It's a Christmas CD. They're Christmas Carols!" I stood up, skipped over to the CD player, and inserted Carlisle's present.

_Ha HA ha __haHaHAHAHAHA__ ha ha ha ha ha ha a ha ha in a ha ah ha hah HAAAAAAA_

"Oh. My. Dear. Lord. In. Heaven. WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!" Carlisle screamed.

Jasper covered his ears and sent out waves of horrible pain. "IT BURNS MY EARS!"

Bella was, surprisingly, laughing. Edward was staring at her, trying desperately to comprehend how anyone could find a laughing Christmas carol amusing.

Emmett and Rosalie had disappeared to somewhere or other, probably to make out.

Esme was trying desperately to look like she was enjoying the music.

Carlisle had resorted to rolling back and forth on the floor and screaming his head off.

I was was quite enjoying myself, actually.

All of a sudden Santa came down the chimney. Wow, that was random.

All movement stopped at that moment and only the Christmas Carols remained for sound.

Santa looked around and started to laugh. "My, my, my, Mr. Cullen! Your family is an eccentric one!"

"That is an understatement! MY FAMILY IS NUTS!" Carlisle screamed.

"I get that a lot, but don't worry! It can only go up from here," Santa smiled warmly, waved, and went back up the chimney. Then we heard a clatter on the roof and Santa's trademark: "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Jasper ran to the window and looked out. "WAS THAT SANTA?"

I was, needless to say, rather shocked. "Uh… Yes?"

Jasper started to sob. "MY PARENTS LIED! HE IS REAL!"

I heard a thump, Bella had fainted. "Well, I guess that's the end of that." Edward said, trying to revive Bella.


	14. Pranks 18, 19, & 20

**Disclaimer:** My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Pranks 18, 19, and 20: **__Hide all of his socks. Hide all his left shoes. After stealing all his socks and left shoes make puppets out of them and insist he watch the play that you put on with them_

I heard Carlisle's voice. "Esme, where are my socks?"

"They were in your drawer this morning, dear," she answered.

"Well they aren't here now!"

There were a few moments of silence, and then came. "Esme, where are my left shoes?"

"I don't know, Carlisle, ask the kids." That was my queue to split and start my "puppet show"

_Downstairs…_

"ALICE!" Carlisle yelled. "What did you do with my socks and left shoes?"

"Why nothing, Carlisle; say would you like to watch my puppet show?"

"No, not particularly, why," he asked.

"I just thought that you would like it, that's all," I punctuated this statement with a huge smile that probably made me look very guilty.

He gave me a suspicious look. "OK, I'll watch your puppet show."

I clapped and grinned. "HORRAY!"

Carlisle sighed and somewhere in the house Edward heard him think: "This could be good."

_In the living room…_

I popped my left hand out of the makeshift stage with one of Carlisle's best socks on it. "Hello there, boys and girls! It's time for the puppet show!"

My right hand popped out with Carlisle's left loafer. "It is, it is!"

There was a scream of rage an insanity and Carlisle jumped at the stage. I was gone in a flash; I looked back and saw Carlisle tearing up the stage in search of his footwear.

Giggling to myself I fled deep into the house, where I found Edward.

"What did you do to Carlisle," he asked. "He's going insane; his thoughts are no long comprehensible!"

"He he he… you don't want to know!"


	15. Prank 21

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Prank 21: **__Leave__ an animal corpse on the kitchen table and when Esme complains tell her that he, 'Just wanted to bring his dinner home!'_

"CARLISLE CULLEN!" Came the scream from the kitchen. He he he, my plan was working.

Carlisle ran at top speed to the kitchen where his wife was screaming for him. "Yes, Esme dear?"

Esme looked like she was going to blow her top. "What is this…? This _thing_ doing on my kitchen table," Carlisle glanced at the dead, bleeding, rotting deer lying on the table.

"I don't know, dear, I've never seen it before!"

I walked coyly into the room, and gasped in "surprise" at the deer on the table. "Carlisle," I said, in "shock". "How could you leave dinner in here like this?"

Carlisle was the picture of injured innocence. "B-b-but I didn't put it here!"

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?" I turned to Esme. ''He came in here last night and said that he was, 'bringing home dinner'!"

Esme turned to Carlisle in a livid rage. "You. Put. This. On. My. Favorite. Table. You. Will. Die." With that Esme chased Carlisle around the house and surrounding woods screaming. "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"

I giggle and drunk my fill of the deer. Jasper walked in just as Carlisle gave out a extremely girly scream. "What is going on?"

I smiled evilly at my husband. "Just a plan for insanity."

"Oh. Then nothing out of the ordinary?"

"Nope."


	16. Office Makeover

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **First of all: I changed my penname to Lennon Drop. Second: I just finished editing all of the previous chapters. Now the prank numbers correspond with the list. I'll soon be editing the list as well. I hope you like the better, more grammatically correct, version of 50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen.

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Pranks 22, 23, 24 & 25 or Office Makeover: **__Graffiti all over his study walls, write in the margins of his books, urn his medical digests, let Alice redecorate his study in all pink._

Rose stood on tiptoe trying to reach the very top of the wall. "This just isn't working, Alice!"

I grimaced at my older sister. "It'll work; here, I'll give you a boost," I lifted Rose to the ceiling and she spray a little bit of pink.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I stuck the fluffy pink shade on Carlisle's lamp and smiled. "We're done here, Rose."

_A few hours later…_

"ARGGGG!"

A blood-curdling scream came from upstairs followed by a string or profanities. I smiled. _'THIS is wonderful!'_

Then I heard something that chilled me to the very bone. "MARY ALICE BRANDON CULLEN COME HERE NOW!"

I was in deep crap.

I walked up the stairs to Carlisle's office and peeked around the door frame. The sight of my handiwork met my eyes.

Carlisle's walls were painted black and had bright pink and purple spray-paint all over them. His desk was covered in fluffy little stuffed animals. His lamp, as I already said, had a fluffy pink shade on it. There was a little pile of ashes in the middle of the room and 95 of Carlisle's bookcases were empty. On his now purple desk there was a book lying open and writing graced the edges of all the pages.

I crept slowly into the room. "Yes, Carlisle?"

He was fuming. "What is the meaning of all this?"

"All what?"

He growled and I took that as a queue to stop being funny. "I don't know what happened," I said with a smile. "But I could tell you for a year off of my non-shopping sentence."

I got a glare for that. "Fine, just tell me what happened," he fumed.

"_Well_ I saw Edward, Jasper, and Emmett sneak in here last night while you and Esme were out to dinner. And they snuck back out a few hours later. I think they did it."

I got the look that said: "And why should I believe you?"

I smiled like the little angel I was. "I did see it! Ask Rose, she saw too!

_A few moments later…_

"Edward, you will not see Bella for a month; Emmett, no dirt biking; Jasper, no visit to Harvard. Is that all clear?" There were a few dejected moans but nothing else.

Carlisle turned to me. "One year off your sentence." I smiled. "But if you ever try to pull a stunt like this yourself, your head will be mine." My smile faded.

"Believe me, I will _never_ do this." Edward heard my next thought, _'Maybe.'_


	17. Prank 26

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **Hurray! Another chapter! I believe that my Muse hath returned; I can write now! Also a quick reminder: There's some Carlisle-in-a-towel in this chapter. All fan girls must remember to breath. Thanks, _Lennon Drop_

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Prank 26**____ Give him a makeover_

I carefully put the neon purple dye into Carlisle's shampoo and tried desperately not to think about what I was doing.

My fatal mistake was giggle as Carlisle walked towards the shower. He gave me an odd look and was no doubt giving Edward instructions to probe my mind. I quickly started thinking in Japanese.

Edward walked into the room. "All right, fess up. Why are you thinking in Japanese?"

I smiled evilly. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He sighed and left the room.

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

About an hour later there was a horrible scream from Carlisle and Esme's bathroom.

A few seconds later Carlisle ran down the stairs in a towel crying his eyes out. He shoved his head in my face and screamed: "WHY? Why must you torment me?!?!"

My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and I tried desperately not to laugh. Carlisle's hair was neon purple and his skin was a rather fetching shade of green. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Carlisle. I didn't do this to you!" I said, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Tears were running down his face. "If you didn't do it, then who did; and you will not say Edward, because I know he didn't!"

I thought quickly, Carlisle was wising up and that was not good! "Well… Do you really want to know?"

He nodded.

"Before I tell you, you must understand that she _made _me help her." His eyebrows raised. "It was Rosalie; she wanted to get in on the pranking action so she made me come up with a super-mean prank. She's mad that you took away her car."

He raised his head and screamed at the ceiling. "MUST ALL OF MY CHILDREN HATE ME?"

I coughed slightly. "Yes, it's how the world works," he death-glared me. "Sorry."

With that he ran upstairs and into Rose and Emmett's room. There was a girly scream and a loud thump, followed by sounds of fighting. A few seconds later Rose ran down stairs followed by an extremely ticked-off Carlisle dress in a bed sheet.

I smiled; being pure evil is so fun!

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

**Author's Note: **There may even be another chapter today!


	18. Prank 27

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **WOOTWOOT! Two chapters in one day! This has to be a record! By the way: I don't actually know what Carlisle birthday is, so I just picked a date.

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Prank **__**27.**__ Buy him a T-Rex plushy for his birthday_

_"__Happy Birthday to you,_

_You live in a Zoo!_

_You look like a vampire,_

_And you smell like one too!"_

The singing stopped and the look on Carlisle's face was priceless. It was a combo of something that I think he imagined to be happiness and a scowl to end all scowls.

I handed him his present. "Happy B-Day, Carlisle."

He smiled warily and peeled the wrapping paper back inch-by-inch.

_At least an hour later…_

Carlisle finally got my present open and was staring pensively at it.

It was a medium sized stuffed animal version of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. I smiled brightly. "His name is Fido, do you like him?"

Carlisle blinked slowly. "Sure, Alice, he's amazing." With that he simply put Fido on his pile of gifts and started opening the gift from Rose.

He ripped into it eagerly and something exploded in his face. A few seconds later a horrible stench met my nose and I quickly evacuated the room.

Even thought I ran about a mile I could still hear the screaming coming from our house. I could tell that there was another trip to the physiatrist's ward in Carlisle's future.


	19. Pranks 28 & 29

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **Depending on when this gets posted this could be a three-in-a-day record for me… Oh, and this is the right chapter. Thanks to all the people who told me that it was wrong!

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

_**Pranks 28 & 29** Tell him that you know about the rubber duckyand you have pictures to prove it!_

A few weeks after Carlisle's release from the hospital… Again…

I walked slowly into Carlisle's office. The little stunt that Rosa had played on his birthday had left him a broken… Well, vampire. And he also trusted no one now; not even Esme.

"Carlisle?"

He sighed deeply, obviously trying to contain his composure. "Yes, Alice."

I slid my eyes back and forth. "I just wanted you to know that I know."

"That you know what, Alice?"

I leaned closer conspiratorially. "I know about the duck."

"What duck?"

"The rubber one."

"Alice, I have no clue what you're talking about."

"I know about your rubber duck."

"Alice," he sighed. "I don't have a rubber duck."

"Then what are these?" I demanded, throwing "Exhibit A" on his desk.

He gasped. "But these aren't real!"

I smiled, thinking about how good I was with Photoshop. "Sure, but no one else knows that," I grinned evilly. "I could sell these to the Carlisle Fan Club for a pretty penny." One thing that you never messed with was Carlisle's Fan Club. They were a bunch of desperate women aged around 15; and they all wanted any piece of Carlisle they could get.

He gasped again. "You wouldn't! Would you?"

"I would, and I will if you don't take a year off my shopping sentence."

He sighed and slammed his head on his desk. "Fine, I believe that you only have four years now."

I smiled and threw the pictures into the wastebasket. "It's been nice doing business with you."

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

"Well, Sam, it took me a lot to get these pictures of Carlisle's ducky for you. What do I get in return?"

Sam, a crazed Carlisle fan girl that you may remember, smiled warmly at me. "You get Carlisle's deepest, darkest secrets. And I can't tell you how I got them, unless, of course, I kill you after I do."

I grinned. "Let's conspire!"

**--------/-----/-----/--------**

**Author's Note: **I hope you don't mind me using you again, Sam (whose penname I have forgotten). It just seemed to fit! Thanks, Lennon Drop


	20. Pranks 30, 31, & 32

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **I know I haven't updated in about three zillion years, but when the muse stops, so do I. I hope this will make it up to you, dear, dear, readers.

_**Pranks 30, 31, & 32: **_Give him Oliver Twist for Christmas; then comment on his resemblance to Oliver; ask him if he has ever met Charles Dickens (because Oliver could have been modeled after him!).

It was again Christmas in the Cullen house and I had the perfect gift for Carlisle. We were opening presents and I yelled: "Open mine first, Carlisle!"

He shuddered, remembering last Christmas, and opened the brightly wrapped package. He smiled as nothing jumped out and bit him and picked up a leather bound book. "Oliver Twist? Why, Alice, this is the most considerate gift you've ever given me!"

I smiled, thinking of what would happen next. "Well, I just figured since you met the guy who wrote it you'd like the book."

He smiled back and started to reply when what I actually said hit him. "Alice, what do you mean?"

"Did you meet Charles Dickens at one time in your life?"

"No, Alice, I didn't."

"Oh."

Everyone continued opening gifts. Carlisle got a homemade CD from Edward and Bella; I got a digital camera from Emmett labeled "for blackmail"; and Rosalie got a silk nightgown from me.

After the presents were all opened I asked Carlisle what he thought of this Christmas.

"I like it much better. Especially the book you gave me, Alice," he said as he opened the front cover. His eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and he paled (if that was at all possible). "Alice, what is the meaning of this?"

I tried really hard to look innocent. "What is what, Carlisle?"

He showed me the inside of the front cover. There was a note that said: "To Carlisle: My inspiration for Oliver."

Edward, who had been looking over my shoulder, laughed slightly. "Well that explains a lot!"

Carlisle glared at him. "But it's not true!"

Esme walked past and glanced at the book. "Carlisle, that's typed print. It's a fake."

He looked closely at the inscribed words. "It is!" By that time I was sneaking out of the room. When he yelled: "ALICE!" I ran for my life.



Author's Note: I hope you liked it!


	21. Pranks 33 & 34

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **So I'm basically going to work on this story, and this story only, until it is done. Then I'll do it for my other stories and so on and so forth. So enjoy a lot of updates. Hopefully soon.

_**Pranks 33 & 34: **__Make him watch all three LOTR with you in one day. Then ask if Alice reminds him of Lady Galadriel too..._

**Here it begins.**

"Ohhhh, Carlisle!" I heard a girly scream and a crash from somewhere off in the house. I gasped, wanting everyone to think that I was concerned, and ran up the stairs to his and Esme's room.

I walked in to find that when I had called Carlisle had been trying to change the light bulb, and upon hearing my voice he had fallen off of the step ladder. "Uh, Carlisle, are you OK?"

He looked up, slightly worried. "Yes, I'm fine. Now what do you want?"

I gave him the "so-innocent-it-hurts" look and said: "I'd like to watch a movie with you."

He gave me a wary look. He'd been fooled by the innocent eyes before, and he wasn't someone that you could fool twice. "What movie?"

"The Fellowship of the Ring, and then maybe The Two Towers."

He looked back and forth. Obviously waiting for the catch. "Is that all?"

"Yes, Carlisle, that's all. I just want to watch some movies with you."

He got up cautiously. "OK, let's go down stairs and watch it in the living room."

And we did just that.

Around nine hours later...

Carlisle's sanity had left his body just about at The Battle of Helms Deep. By the time we got to the part when Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn travel to the men in the mountains, he was trying to to cry.

Finally we got to the end credits for The Return of The King he was trying to escape. But I wouldn't have it. No-sir-ee, I would not. "Carlisle, you can outlast the credits if you try." He tried to escape again. "You're not trying," I sang.

Once the credits were over he heaved a sigh of relief.

Then I smiled to myself and initiated my plan. "So, Carlisle, did anyone in those movies remind you of anyone you know?"

He thought for a moment. "No, why do you ask?"

"I just thought that maybe I reminded you of Lady Galadriel... That's all. I just wanted to see if you would see the similarities; that's why we watched the movies."

Carlisle's eye twitched. "We watched Lord of The Rings for nine hours plus so you could see if Lady Galadriel reminded me of you?"

I smiled and chipperly said: "Yep!"

He laughed manically and ran screaming out of the room. I sighed and picked up the phone. "Hello, operator? Yes, I'd like the number of the nearest psychiatrist, please. Dr. Smith? Thanks, bye!"

I hung up and started dialing as I listened to Carlisle smashing the kitchen into little, tiny bits. "Hello, is this Dr. Smith's office? I'd like to book an appointment for a Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Yes, that's the one. Thanks, bye!"

I sighed and Emmett walked in. "Why is Carlisle smashing the kitchen to bits?"

I gave him my best evil grin. "I'm at war."


	22. Prank 35

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **I'm updating again, this'll probably be a short one. It's pretty much gear.

_**Prank 35: **__Come into the ER with fake injuries_

I staggered into the ER with a letter opener sticking out of my chest. I knew my entrance had its desired effect when I heard a nurse scream a very dirty word at the top of her lungs. She ran over to me and had me lay down on the cold tiles.

"Miss Cullen! You've been stabbed! I'll get you to surgery immediately!"

I shook my head in a dazed way. "No, go get my father; he's the only one who can fix this!"

"Alright, Miss Cullen, I'll go get your father," with that, Nurse Barker ran off to find Carlisle.

I tried to keep a passive look on my face as my insides were erupting with laughter.

Carlisle rushed out to see me writhing in, seeming, and agony on the floor. He grimaced and said. "What are you doing here?"

Nurse Barker looked horrified. "Dr. Cullen! Your daughter is dying on the floor and you ask why she's here? What is wrong with you?!"

Carlisle glared at me and said: "She's not dying," he pulled the letter opener out of my chest. "She's playing a prank on me. Alice," he said in a tired voice.

"Yes, Carlisle?"

"Please, go home."

I stood and stuck my tongue out at him. "Spoil sport."

**Author's Note**: I know that was short. But it was fun to write.


	23. Prank 36

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer

**Author's Note: **I do love writing these. They amuse me immensely. And according to my reviews you like them too... PS: the prank is being altered slightly.

_**Prank 36:**__ Hack his screen name and talk to random people_

I smiled as I saw the little window pop up on Carlisle's computer screen.

**DrSmith2453: **Hello, Carlisle, are you there?

I then thought of the consequences that would come from impersonating Carlisle on the Internet. Did I really want another year on my not shopping sentence?

**DrSmith2435: **Carlisle, I'm your psychiatrist. 

**DrSmith2435: **You can't avoid me!

On the one hand I had a hilarious opportunity to make it seem like Carlisle was nuts. On the other hand, he could ground me for eternity.

**DrSmith2435: **Carlisle, ANSWER ME!

Needless to say I chose the former.

**DrCCullen7: **_Hello, Dr. Smith._

**DrSmith2435: **Ah, there you are, Carlisle!

**DrSmith2435: **How is your day going so far?

I thought very carefully about my response. Something over exaggerated could give me away. It had to be subtle and convincing... _Eureka!_

**DrCCullen7: **_I've been having a simply horrible day..._

**DrCCullen: **_It's raining again and that makes me feel horribly depressed._

While I waited for Dr. Smith's response another window popped up. The font than assaulted my eyes was a combination of pink and yellow (ick).

**SexyBarker64: **hey dr. C!

**SexyBarker64: **how r u today?

I blinked. Who was this new person with the flashy font, suggestive screen name, and horrible grammar? Was Carlisle having an Internet affair? After seriously thinking about that for a few minutes I realized that even Emmett had more taste than that... The chat window with Dr. Smith was blinking orange.

**DrSmith2435: **Ah, Carlisle, it is the bane of our species to have to stay in the dark all the time.



**DrSmith2435: **Too bad you can't just move to Florida, eh?

**DrCCullen7: **_FLORIDA!!_

With that I went into a sobbing tirade of angst and depression topped off with just the slightest bit of emo-ism. It did the trick; but before I could reply to Dr. Smith, **SexyBarker64 **tried to talk to me again.

**SexyBarker64: **remember me, dr. C?

**SexyBarker64: **its nurse barker!

Then it hit me! Nurse Barker had an enormous crush on Carlisle and she had found out what his screen name was. This was going to be good.

**DrCCullen7: **_Well, helllo there, SexyBarker; how are you?_

**SexyBarker64: **wiggles eyebrows i asked 1st

I giggled, this was too easy.

"Alice, what in the world are you doing?" Edward had walked in behind me and silently watched for a few moments.

"I'm just impersonating Carlisle on the Internet, nothing much else."

He sighed. "Just don't do anything that will get you or I killed. OK?"

I giggled. "When have I ever done anything like that?"

Edward scowled. "I assume that is a rhetorical question, so I won't answer. Just don't," with that he walked out of the room.

I rolled my eyes and went back to my chat with **DrSmith2435**.

**DrSmith2435: **CARLISLE CULLEN!

**DrSmith2435: **Please, get a hold of yourself. It is perfectly OK that you can't go to Florida. I'm sure that you wouldn't even like it there. Believe me, I've been and it's a complete waste of time!

**DrCCullen7: **_sniffle If you say so._

**SexyBarker64**'s window blinked orange.

**SexyBarker64: **so, r u going to answer meh?

**DrCCullen7: **_I'm fine, so how are you?_

**SexyBarker64**: im fine

**SexyBarker64**: how r ur kids doing?



**DrCCullen7**_: Oh, they're fine. In fact, one of them may intern at the hospital next year._

The other window blinked.

**DrSmith2435: **Yes, I do say so. How are the kids?

This was another perfect opportunity. Completely perfect.

**DrCCullen7: **_They are driving me insane! You wouldn't believe the things that..._

I thought briefly about who to blame for Carlisle's psychosis... Perfect!

**DrCCullen7:** _Edward is doing to me! He's driving me out of my mind!_

The other window blinked.

**SexyBarker64: **wich 1 of ur kiddies?

**DrCCullen7: **_Alice; the one who came in with the letter opener in her chest._

**SexyBarker64: **o, thats nice i suppos...

**DrCCullen64: **_You don't like Alice? She's a very nice girl!_

**SexyBarker64: **i dunno

**SexyBarker64: **she jus seemed mean to me!

I then seemed that Nurse Barker remembered something that she had forgotten. Because she said:

**SexyBarker64: **I JUST REMEMBERED!

And I noticed that it was the only grammatically correct sentence that she had said to me in the entire conversation.

**DrCCullen7: **_Remembered what?_

**SexyBarker64: **what i wuz gunna ask yous!

I suddenly got a vision of Carlisle walking into Exam Room Three and finding Nurse Barker in... Eww. I thought for a moment... wouldn't it be hilarious if that actually played out?!

**SexyBarker64: **1 uv da patients needz ur help

**SexyBarker64: **RIGHT NOW.

**DrCCullen7: **_OK, I'll be right there, which room is he in?_

_**SexyBarker64: **_x-am room 3

I put up this away message: **DrCCullen7: **_off to the hospital to see Nurse Barker!_



Carlisle walked in the room just after I got up from the computer. "Alice, what were you just doing?"

"Checking my e-mail. Oh, I saw that Nurse Barker needs your help with the patient in Exam Room Three; she wanted you to get there right away."

He gasped, clearly thinking that there was a real emergency. "I'll get right down there!"

He ran off at vampire speed and I heard his Mercedes Benz pull out of the driveway a few seconds later. I smiled and looked out the window; I couldn't wait to see how _this _turned out...


	24. Prank 37

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **The next few will be rather short, because if the pranks become too elaborate they stop being funny. And that's not good! _Lennon Drop_

_**Prank 37:**__ Scream 'TURTLE' every ten seconds_

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, --_

"TURTLE!"

Carlisle jumped ten feet in the air and screamed like a banshee. Jasper laughed and then went back to reading _War and Peace _by Leo Tolstoy.

Carlisle glared at me. "Alice, that's not funny. And the little stunt you played with my screen name and Ms. Barker wasn't either!"

Apparently Carlisle had shown up at the hospital, rushed to Exam Room Three and found Nurse Barker in the buff waiting for him. Now he was (understandably) scarred for life.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Spoil sport. I had no clue what she was going to do; she just said to meet her at the hospital!"

"Alice," he said through gritted teeth. "You can see the future! How could you not know what she was going to do?"

"I didn't have a premonition, so there."

He stopped talking and went back to watching TV.

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, --_

"TURTLE!"

Carlisle didn't jump this time. He just grunted.

_Three hours later…_

_1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, --_

"TURTLE!"

"ALICE! PLEASE STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Carlisle screamed. "No one thinks that it is funny anymore!"

"Spoil sport!"

I waited a few moments then…

"TURTLE!"

Carlisle screamed in insanity and rage; he then started to run around the room at vampire speed and scream some more.



I laughed. Mission accomplished!


	25. Prank 38

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **OK, this chapter contains more Carlisle-in-a-towel stuff. So, I have breathing lessons for all of you fan girls: IN. OUT. IN. OUT. IN. OUT. I think that should cover it. Please, remember to breath. Also remember that I am not liable if you die from forgetting to breath. Mmk? Thanks, _Lennon Drop_

PS. Don't try this at home, please!

_**Prank 38:**__ Drop a radio in his bath_

I walked stealthily into Carlisle and Esme's bedroom carrying a radio. I carefully plugged it into the socket and walked into the bathroom.

Carlisle was soaking in the tub, trying to regain his sanity. "What do you want, Alice?"

"I just wanted to bring you this radio so you could listen to some soothing music."

He looked incredulously at me. "_You _want to _help me relax_? Are you serious?"

I put on my serious face. "Does it look like I'm trying to be funny with you?"

He blinked. "No; it's just that you never want to help me do anything. Ever."

I sighed, trying to look misunderstood. "I do want to help you, Carlisle, I just don't know how!"

"Well, you can play some music for me, if you'd like."

I smiled brightly and flipped the switch. _Helter Skelter _started playing and Carlisle sank back into the bubbles and sighed with pleasure. I set the radio on the edge of his tub and he glanced suspiciously at me. I smiled brightly again and he reclosed his eyes.

I giggled and pushed the radio into his bath. _Helter Skelter _was still playing as a jolt of electricity ran through Carlisle's body. He screamed and jumped out of the bath, revealing that he wore swim trunks.

"ALICE!"

I ran for my life.


	26. Prank 39

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **Yet another Prank. This one is going to be fairly short… again.

_**Prank 39:**__ Hug him in public_

Carlisle was consulting with one of the nurses at the hospital when I found him. I giggled, thinking of what I was about to do.

"Hello, Carlisle, how is your day going?" I asked.

He jumped. "OH! Alice, I'm not doing too well."

I pouted. "Awww, does ickle Carly want a huggy wuggy?"

He gave me an odd look, and the nurse, who's name was Jennifer, tried not to laugh. "Um… No, I think I'm good in the hug department."

My mouth formed a thin line. "Nurse Jennifer, I think that this patient is in denial. And, no, not that river in Egypt."

She nodded. "I agree, Alice, he's been sulking all day."

Carlisle glared at Jennifer. "I have not been sulking."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Then an idea occurred to me. I whispered in Jennifer's ear and then screamed: "INTERVENTION!"

We both sprang on Carlisle and hugged him ferociously. By the ime we stopped at least three other nurses were hugging him too. We let go and he ran for his life as other nurses got the same idea and tried to hug him.

I look Jennifer in the golden eyes and said: "Thanks for the help, Jenny."

She smiled. "Any time, Alice, any time."


	27. Prank 40

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note**: Only ten more to go, then off to finish Jacksonville Blues etc. If this one is a little odd, it's because I was listening to The Chipmunks while I was writing it. Heh... I'm a little off.

_**Prank 40:**__ Number 40 has been removed because of extreme cruelty to the other party involved_

I read the words on the computer in disbelief. _Removed because of extreme cruelty_? Since when did cruelty ever count in this list? I clicked on the user name and quickly typed out a PM.

_Hey, Lennon Drop, what was number 40 before you erased it? I'd really like to know!_

_Alice_

It took her an hour to reply. Seriously, teenagers these days. Sheesh!

_Oh, it was really, really, mean. I said to... wait, why do you want to know?_

Why did I want to know? The school systems had clearly come down in the last 70 odd years.

_I just do, what was it?_

After waiting another hour I got the response.

_Not telling. It's too mean, and if you are the Alice I think you are I don't want you to prank Carlisle like that. Definitely not._

Great. Now I'd revealed to a crazy fan girl that the Cullens were real. She was probably telling all of her little fan girl friends.

_OK, so I'm that Alice. So what? I reeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyy want to know what it was. Oh, and don't some after Edward, he's already traumatized enough._

This time she responded promptly.

_I'm a James and Marcus Volturi fan girl, so you don't have to worry about Edward. And you can't know what this one was but... I have a better one for you!_

She then proceeded to give me one of the best pranks I had ever heard. It was simply amazing.

_Thanks soooooo much, Lennon Drop! I'll try it right away!_

Carlisle opened the door and a bucket of water fell on his head. After a few moments another bucket, this one full of flour, fell on his head. Then I ran over and hit the buckets with a giant hammer and screamed "WHAT'S UP DOC?!"



Then I ran for my life. _Thanks, Lennon Drop,_ I thought.


	28. Prank 41

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **NINE LEFT! Does anyone besides **Blackdts** want the return of the vampire cat Alice's that is.? Tell me in your review and I may do another one-shot separate from this, that is about it.

--

_**Prank 41:**__ Buy him a "fuzzee monkee"_

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Carlisle, happy birthday to you!"

Seeing as no one knew what Carlisle's real birthday was we celebrated it in the middle of May. On the 13th to be exact.

"Carlisle!" I shouted. "OPEN MINE FIRST!"

He rolled his eyes. "Alice, stop acting like a demented three-year-old. I'll get to yours."

I sniffed and stuck my nose in the air. "Suit yourself."

First Carlisle opened Rose and Emmett's present. It was a new doctor's bag to replace the one that "Edward" had burned. Then he opened the present from Esme; it was a Josh Groban CD. He opened a small package from Bella and Edward that contained a key chain and a large, old, and rather dusty book from Jasper.

Now it was my turn. I handed the brightly wrapped present to Carlisle and he opened it.

"Why, Alice, thank you so much for the... monkey?"

I scowled in mock anger. "It's not just _any_ monkey! It's a fuzzee monkee, you doof!"

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Fine, thank you so much, Alice, for the _fuzzee monkee_."

I giggled, knowing that he was annoyed.

**Later that night...**

"AHHHH!" A blood curdling scream came from upstairs and brought the entire house to Carlisle's study.

"What's wrong," asked Edward.

Carlisle was curled up in the fetal position, sucking his thumb. "The monkey moved. I glanced up from my work and the monkey moved!"

Everyone stared at him, and Esme said: "I think it's time for another appointment with Dr. Smith..."

Then we all walked out of the study. Jasper took my hand as we walked down the stairs. "You wouldn't have anything to do with that, would you?"



I smiled at him, the picture of innocence. "Would I really do that to the nice man who took us in?"

He thought for a moment. "Yes."


	29. Prank 42

**Disclaimer:** My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **EIGHT! Aww… there aren't many left! This one was co-authored by NerdyGuRu2 (she wrote the last bit) **Votes For Return of the Vampire Cat: **3

_**Prank 42:**__ Take Esme to the flea market (with his credit cards) and tell her to buy whatever she wants_

"Here we are, Esme, one of the biggest flea markets in the U S of A," I said, pointing to a huge field full of venders and their wares.

Esme was practically drooling on me, so I drove into the market.

**Five hours and about three thousand dollars later…**

"You took her where? And you gave her what? And she spent _how _much?" Carlisle said, after looking at the moving van full of useless junk that Esme had bought at the flea market.

"I took her to one of the largest flea markets in the United States; I gave her your credit cards – which she used at every stall that took them – and she spent three thousand dollars. Exciting, no?"

"NO! MARY ALICE BRANDON-HALE YOU ARE TO NEVER – EVER – TAKE ESME TO THE FLEA MARKET AGAIN! Especially with _my_ credit cards."

I smiled and directed some of the movers to put a pinball table in the family room. "Oh, don't worry. There isn't much in the world that she _didn't buy_. So we don't have to go again."

Carlisle turned an interesting shade of red, but he composed himself quickly and smoothed his hair back. "Just don't do it again."

Just then a mover walked into the living room. "Where should we put the antique printing press?"

Carlisle turned and gave the mover a murderous glare. "The what?"

"The antique printing press," the mover repeated.

Carlisle looked like he might faint, an impossible thing for vampires. "The DUMPSTER!"

With that, he turned around and stormed off to his office. I heard him bang his head against his desk ten seconds later, and I grinned evilly, high fiving Esme.


	30. Pranks 43 & 44

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **SIX! There are now **10 **votes for Alice's kitty to come back.

--

_**Pranks 43 & 44:**__ Tell him that the CIA knows everything. Even the fact that he likes bunnies._

I walked slowly up the stairs and knocked on Carlisle's study door. A tired voice came from within. "Come in, Alice."

I opened the door to find Carlisle with his head on the desk. "How did you know it was me?" I asked.

He lifted his head slightly and tried to smile. "You're the only person who disturbs me no matter what I'm doing. Even if I was performing brain surgery you'd be there and asking me for shopping money, or something like that."

I blinked. "OK... Not really. But I came here to tell you something," I paused for effect, but he didn't move from his spot on the desk. "I came here to tell you that the CIA knows everything."

"What does the Culinary Institute of America have to do with this?"

I sighed deeply. "Not the Culinary Institute of America, silly! The Central Intelligence Agency!"

"Oh, that CIA," he mumbled, "of course they know everything! They're the CIA; they have cameras everywhere."

I rolled my eyes. "They also know things about us."

That got his attention. "What kind of things? Like the fact that we're vampires?"

"That among other things. Like the fact that youlikebunnies."

He raised an eyebrow. "That I what?"

I gulped and looked furtively around; like I was trying to make sure no one was listening. "They know you like bunnies."

"Bunnies?"

"Yes, bunnies. The cute, furry, pink kind."

"Are you sure that they know?"

"Yes; they also know that you like Carebears."

"Carebears? Alice, I think you've finally flipped your lid."

"I haven't, they know everything!"



"Alice," he pointed at the door, "go away."

Luckily for him, the doorbell rang and I had to go answer it. This time it wasn't Voldemort.

"Hello, I'm Agent Ford and this is Agent Chevy. We're here to see a Dr. Cullen. Is he in?"

I blinked and looked the two men over. They were in black suits and kinda looked like the blues brothers. One was tall and had excellent emo hair; the other was short and had close cropped hair with dreamy hazel eyes.

There was a scream from somewhere off in the house. "ALICE, NO MORE DISCRIPTIONS! It's very annoying!"

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the two men. "Sure, he's in. Won't you step inside?"

They did and I giggled. This was going to be amazing.


	31. Prank 45

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **FIVE! **10 **votes for the cat still.

_**Prank 45:**__ Sing "You are My Sunshine" for a hour straight_

_"You are my sunshine,_

_My golden sunshine,_

_You make me happy when skies are gray._

_You'll never know, dear, how much I love you,_

_Please don't take my sunshine away!"_

"Alice, will you please _not _sing that song. It's terribly annoying, besides the fact that you can't sing any better than someone choking a cat." Carlisle was sitting on the couch rubbing a small cut on his chest. The two "CIA agents" had been hunters. They tried to kill us, but stopped when Carlisle managed to tell them that we were vegetarians. Emmett had said that we were "practically vegans" and the hunters left. It was a rather stressing day.

I grumbled something about singing privileges and continued with my song.

**One Hour Later...**

I could almost see every hair on Carlisle's head standing up individually. "Alice, if you sing that song one more time I'll have to call those hunters and tell them to kill you."

I sang it again.

He menaced me with the phone. "I'm warning you..."

"Aw, come on, Carlisle, it's just a song!"

He glared at me. "It is the most annoying song I have ever heard. Now stop singing it or I _will _call the Winchesters, and they _will _kill you. Capisce?"

"Yes, Carlisle."

I waited for a few moments, then I...

_"You are my sunshine,_

_My golden sunshine,_

_You make me happy when skies are gray._

_You'll never know, dear, how much I love you,_

_Please don't take my sunshine away!"_

"ALICE!"


	32. Pranks 46 & 47

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **THREE! Those of you who have read the list of pranks know that the last prank simply says: _In general…_ I need you the readers to tell me what you think "in general" should be. The best three will be chosen and used in the last prank. Tell me in your review. Submissions are going to be until May 30, mmk? _Lennon Drop_

_**Pranks 46 & 47:**__ Insist he hang Christmas lights every year; act really hurt if he forgets_

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Can we hang Christmas lights every year?"

"I don't see why not."

"We didn't hang them this year," I said, pouting.

He sighed deeply. "I'm sorry; I must've forgotten."

I tried desperately to cry, but being a vampire, I couldn't. "You don't care, do you?"

"Alice, I've kept you after all these years. How can I not care?"

I pouted again. "Can we put up Christmas lights now?"

His eyes rolled back in his head and he pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's not Christmas, Alice."

"But in some placed people keep their Christmas lights up all year!"

"Alice, do you really want us to have Christmas lights?"

"Yes," I said, smiling.

"Fine, I'll go put them up now."

Carlisle walked out of the room and a few moments later I heard him scream. "ALICE!"

I held the grounding wire in my hands and laughed. I love being evil.

**Author's Note: **Alice holding the wire means that Carlisle got electrocuted. Ouch.


	33. Prank 48

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **sniffles TWO! And remember: submissions for the last prank are being accepted until Friday May 30. After I finish this prank and the other one I'm going back to _Jacksonville Blues_. So read that too!

_**Prank 48:**__ Tell Esme that he hates her cooking_

I walked into the kitchen where Esme was trying to bake cookies for Bella. "Uh, Esme?"

She turned to me. "Hello, Alice! What do you need?"

"I just wanted to tell you about something that Carlisle said."

She raised an eyebrow. "What did Carlisle say?"

I shuffled my feet like I was embarrassed. "It's kinda mean."

Esme smiled warmly at me. "Come now, Alice, you can tell me!"

"He said he didn't like your cooking."

"But that makes no sense…"

"I know! But he said it! He said that even if he could eat it he wouldn't; he also said that you stink up the house every time you try to cook something for Bella!"

Esme got a look in her eye that clearly said "murder" and stalked from the kitchen with the bowl of cookie batter in her hands. I heard footsteps on the stair and someone knock on a door. A voice called: "Come in… Oh! Esme, how good to see you dear, why did you come?" There was a bit of inaudible dialogue then: "Esme, what are you doing with that cookie batter? Esme? ESME!" Then there was a large crash and Esme's footsteps on the stairs. She reentered the kitchen and dismissed me.

I walked up the stairs to Carlisle's office and found him – with his mouth open – sitting at his desk with a bowl of cookie batter dumped over his head. I blinked. "I guess she plans to bake you!"


	34. Prank 49

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **sobs uncontrollably ONE! Remember to submit your ideas for Prank 50 by this Friday May 30.

_**Prank 49:**__ Bring him bag lunches at work and make him eat them in front of other people_

I walked into the hospital and up to the front desk where Jennifer was working. "Hey, Jenni, where's Carlisle?"

She smiled. "Hey, Alice, Carlisle is in his office 'eating lunch'. Why do you ask?"

I held up a paper bag and took out a sandwich. "Just thought I'd bring him some 'lunch'."

Jenni laughed. "Riiiight; go on up!"

I waved and got onto the elevator.

**One elevator ride later…**

"Hi, Carlisle!"

Carlisle jumped. "Alice! I didn't know that you'd be coming today!"

"I just thought that you could use some 'lunch'."

"Alice, you know that I don't eat lunch."

"Come on," I said, pulling his arm, "we'll 'eat' in the cafeteria!"

**Another elevator ride later…**

I gave Carlisle the sandwich. "Come on, just take one bite!"

He grimaced. "Do I have to, Alice?"

"We need to keep up appearances, Carlisle; of course you do!"

He took and bite, made a face, and swallowed with difficulty. "That was horrid, Alice."

I smiled. "Come on, eat the rest."

While he was eating I started chatting with the surrounding doctors. "Oh, sure he's a great dad!" "No, that's just a rumor." "Do you really think I'd do that?"

When Carlisle finished the sandwich he turned a bit green. "Pardon me," he said, running in the direction of the bathroom.

Jenni walked up and smiled. "Did it work?"

I grinned at her. "Oh, yah, he's in the 'gent's' right now."

She high-fived me. "Nicely done, oh Prank-Master!"


	35. Goodbye, Farewell, Amen

**Disclaimer: **My name is not Stephenie Meyer.

**Author's Note: **bawls IT'S OVER! This is the last one! It's so sad! sniffles OK, here are the lucky winners of the prank contest:

**Eville Dragoness: **"See" Carlisle doing something horrible and tell him that you can't tell him because it was too horrible.

**romance in the rain: **Lock him in the closet with Lauren and Jessica haaaa seven minutes in heaven (that's from **Lennon Drop**).

**edwardXD who had so many to choose from: **Ask him what he thinks is worse: eating a full chocolate fudge/ice cream cake, or watching a whole season of petty reality tv shows (don't tell him he actually has to do them until after he picks).

Those are the lucky pranks I picked. So enjoy the sniffle last sniffle prank bawls again.

**50PRANKS50PRANKS50PRANKS**

_**Prank 50: **__In general..._

I smiled at the computer and typed my reply:

_Thanks for the pranks, Lennon Drop, and don't forget to thank your readers for me!_

I switched off the screen and turned to the crowd of people standing behind me. "OK, people, we need to make this go out with a bang! This is the _last _prank on Carlisle Cullen, we _have_ to make this work!"__I saw nodding heads, it felt good to rally the troops. "Now, Lauren, Jessica, Nurse Barker, and Sam: I need you to go and hide in Carlisle's closet. We're going to do something to the effect of 'seven minutes in heaven', OK?"

Lauren, Jessica, and Sam smiled. "OK," they walked off in the direction of Carlisle's closet looking like they were already in heaven.

I rolled my eyes. "Esme and Emily, I need you to go make a giant full chocolate/fudge ice cream cake. Make sure it's dripping frosting!" They nodded and walked off.

"What about us?" asked Jacob.

I thought for a moment. "Go trash his office, please." They walked off with huge grins on their faces. I had made their day.

"Jenni, I need you to go and buy me an entire season of _Days of Our Lives _or _All My Children, _just make it something petty and sappy like that, OK?"

Jenni smiled. "Shall do!"

I dismissed the rest of my followers (Bella, Edward, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie) to make mischief in whatever ways suited them. Then I walked up stairs to the art room. Carlisle was busy sketching some plant or other when I walked in.



"Hi, Carlisle, how are you doing today?"

He glanced up from his drawing. "Alice, the last thing that you want to know when you ask 'how are you today' is how am I."

I blinked. "OK, then... I just wanted to tell you that..." I trailed off in mid-sentence and tried to look like I was having a vision.

Carlisle looked up again. "Alice?"

"Oh, sorry, Carlisle, I just had a vision with you in it."

"Really, what was it?"

I gulped like I was trying to hold back tears. Or maybe a psychotic fit. "I don't really want to tell you because it's so horrible!" Wow, I didn't know I could talk that fast...

Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "Really, that's nice."

"Oh, and Esme wants you in the closet," I said, wiggling my eyebrows. "If you know what I mean."

Carlisle's face lit up like some little kid at Christmas time. He ran out of the room as fast as he could. A few moments later I heard Carlisle scream and I yelled. "OH YEAH! That was what I saw in my vision!"

**50PRANKS50PRANKS50PRANKS**

Carlisle was rather scarred to find five girls in his closet. All of them having one thing on their minds. He was currently curled up in a ball in a corner, sucking his thumb.

I walked up to him slowly. "Uh... Carlisle?"

His head shot up and he tried to talk through his thumb. "But are bou boin' bere? Are bou boing bo torture bme bmore?"

"Um, no. I just wanted to ask you a question."

"But is bit?"

"I'd like to ask you which of these is worse."

He looked at me cautiously. "Bo on."

"Which is worse: eating a full chocolate fudge/ice cream cake _or _watching an entire season of petty TV shows?"

He thought for a moment, then stopped sucking his thumb. "The petty TV shows."

**24 hours later...**

"You didn't tell me that I had to do what I picked," he yelled. "You COULD HAVE TOLD ME!"

I smiled sheepishly. "Come on, it was just a joke! How was I supposed to know that _Days of Our Lives_ had unpleasant memories for you?"  


"Well... I never told anyone, so it would be rather hard for you to know."

I rolled my eyes. "Exactly."

He shivered. "Never hoped to experience that much TV in one sitting. That was even worse than the time you made me watch _The Lord of The Rings _with you, straight!"

I smiled. "Well there's always _All My Children_."

"What?"

"Oh, didn't I tell you? I had Jenni pick up _All My Children _too. So we can watch that now!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**50PRANKS50PRANKS50PRANKS**

**Author's Note: **sniffles Well, that was the end of _50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen_.

These are the acknowledgements:

**Dr. Cullen: **Thanks for letting me use your name for the leader of The Official Carlisle Fan Club

**NerdyGuRu****2: **To my bff for helping me choose which was really worse: the cake or the TV shows.

**Eville****Dragoness****, romance in the rain, ****edwardXD****: **Thanks for the last three pranks guys, Alice thanks you too.

**Kasey Elizabeth: **Thanks for the idea, I think I'll use it. the idea: write a oneshot about Carlisle's therapy session

I have around 20 votes for the vampire cat, so he is coming back. He also needs a name, any ideas?

And one last HUGE thanks to the reviewers. The ones who told me when I spelled things wrong, when things were totally illogical always, and when Alice and I made them laugh a lot. Thanks to you, reviewers!

Goodbye, Farewell, Amen.

_Lennon Drop_


End file.
